WCT dispenses with mommy

I’ve read it.  I’ve seen it. I’ve heard it. Over and over. I’ve rolled my eyes about it and nodded in patient sympathy.

But today, it happened to me – so you-all get to hear it. Feel free to eye roll and nod.

Today my “big girl” (not yet 23 months old) officially started in the “2-yr old” room at daycare.  She visited all during August, she knows the teachers, we’ve talked about it at home regularly, and chatted with her all weekend about “going to the big girl room” today. We were prepared – or so I thought.

So today, she held my hand as we walked in, bypassed her old room without even a wave, and at the doorway to her new room let go of my hand.  She simply walked in and up to her teacher, and then sat down as directed to start in on a pasting activity.

No “bye mommy.”  No tears.  No hesitation.

Wahhhh. Big girl already. Doesn’t need mommy.
(And I realize that this is only going to get worse!)

Thank you for your patience (and eye rolls).

[Note to self: Try REALLY hard to remember this feeling at 3am tonight when she calls out for mommy and needs me to put her back to sleep YET AGAIN.]

I’m MUCH squishier now

Assuming squishier is a word….

I like the 1st two paragraphs of this post from Her Bad Mother, especially this excerpt:

I carry my heart around outside my body now […] and because of that I am vulnerable in ways that I never thought possible.”

There are now television shows I can’t watch, magazine ads that make me cry, and simply ideas that make my stomach clench.  I have always been something of a softy – crying at ‘chick flicks’ and Christmas Coke ads, but man – now I’m crying at Law and Order SVU – assuming it’s an episode I can watch at ALL.

I used to work for child protective services, and I would marvel at the things mothers would allow or overlook when others mistreated their child (not to mention my mind boggling at what they themselves would DO or NOT DO).  I’m afraid this lack of understanding has not improved with being a mother.  Abusive clients used to ask me all the time, “Do you have a child?” and when I said no – then they would say, “Then you can’t understand.”
OK, I have a child now.  And I still don’t understand how you could allow others, even your beloved spouse, to sexually abuse your child, or beat your child until bruises show.  Nope.  Still don’t get it.
Like Rose, I am a mamma bear.  If you threaten my child, I am all about being protective. Even the thought of losing WCB makes me cry. 

Conversely, I have found myself the LEAST protective of the three parents regarding life’s little accidents.  I’m the one who allows her to learn that trying to get off the big bed is a bigger fall than the little bed in her room.  I’m the one who let’s her fall when stepping off the last step and then picks her up for a cuddle.  And I’m not doing this deliberately – it seems to be an innate feeling that she has to live through these small catastophes in order to learn a sense of self-preservation.

Ooooooo but ask me how I felt when I over-heated her food and burned her tongue because I forgot to test it.  Baaaaaad mommy, hang your head in shame.  I note, however, that both she and I now test that first spoonful before eating – every time.

So squishy with hard bits – not unlike an Almond Joy.  mmmmmmm.

 

 

Quote for the day – Kleenex

 

WCB: “Achoo, cough cough cough…snooork”

Oneluckymommy: “That’s ok, dear, mommy is just one big Kleenex anyway.”

[Said to WCB as she wiggles and crawls face down all over mommy while making horrible sinus sounds.]

WCB can go from freshly scrubbed to “Dirty-faced kid” in a 10 minute car ride.  And of course – she just LOVES having her face washed.  You’d think we were using a cheese grater from the howls we get.

How *does* a toddler get snot in her eyebrows, on the back of her elbow, and behind her ears anyway?  Oh, and did you know that it dries mostly clear when NOT gathered in clumps beneath the nose?  So it is like “stealth snot” encountered only, of course, when you take her out of the car seat at whatever destination you just cleaned her up for.

Important mom tip: It is impossible to measure your self-worth as a mom by the cleanliness of your child’s face.

A father’s expectations

So I asked Daddy N recently, “Was it what you expected?”

 

His response: “Easier, actually – not as bad as I thought – the awkwardness of “what do I do?” isn’t as bad as I thought it would be. I tell you what I didn’t expect was the germs. I mean I knew that babies got germs – that they were little disease vectors, and were often sick, but I didn’t realize I’d get everything she brought home full blown! I  thought… they were, you know,  “little baby germs” – that babies have no defenses so they get all the little germs that come along – ones that we could withstand. You know,  already have defenses for.”

 

“little baby germs” – ha ha ha

 

We return to our hacking coughs and lead brick sinuses now….thanks WCB.

Mommy’s brain goes “wonk”

Mommy brains totally work different.  They add 2+200 and get, “212 degrees – omigod that’s boiling, she burnt, call 911, ahhhhhhh!” (no, that’s not supposed to make sense…)

I lost my child this weekend.   My 9 month old, wonderfully precious child, was not anywhere I could find her for about 15 minutes.  Someone had ‘borrowed her’ for the afternoon and did not return at the appointed time.  And couldn’t be reached by cell phone. Or texting.  And wasn’t at the place they said they would be (I drove there and checked).

My brain, usually so reliable in a crisis, decided freaking out was worth about 25% of its time.  (The other 75% was doing the deal-with-crisis thing pretty well – given the assumption that there actually was a crisis at all). This bizzarre new mommy brain remembered every single child abduction story I had ever heard or read and seriously considered that Auntie (yes, the lady who held my hand during my cesarean) had totally flipped her lid and absconded off to somewhere raise my child as her own. As I was driving to check for them at the park, I was actually spending some portion of my brain time trying to determine how one started an Amber alert – just in case.

Interestingly, I never considered the fact that she/they might be injured – at the hospital, lying by the side of the road, etc.  Nope – brain went straight to “she’s been stolen” – at least the freaking out mommy brain part. The sane, calm, functional, human part of my brain assumed that there was a reasonable explanation, and WCB was just fine, having a good time with Auntie somewhere…and when I found them I was going to give Auntie WHAT-FOR!

WCB was fine. Is fine.  She had gotten fussy at the picnic and Auntie had taken her to her nearby home (as someplace quiet) in order to nap and have a bottle. She had put her cell phone on vibrate during a movie the evening before and forgot.  Then she had passed out with WCB on the couch and so missed the “Oh, bring her back about 3:30-4ish,” check-in/return time.  I didn’t even think of checking at Auntie’s home. Evidently I needed the other 25% of my brain to think of looking for her at her own house. (Why no – why would I check at her home? She’s off to the wilds of Mexico somewhere with my baby – ahhhhhHHHHhhhhh!)

Auntie called me as soon as she woke up.  She heartily apologized.  I cried while driving to her house ( I had very carefully stayed calm until that point) and had mostly pulled myself together by the time I knocked on her door.    When I got there and saw WCB  – she looked at me like I was mommy.  Just ordinary everyday mommy, as in: “No big deal – just napping, mom – what?” Auntie took one look at my tear-streaked face and apologized some more. 

MAN, will this stick in my memory.   Previously, I’ve nervously, but successfully left her at home with babysitters, left her at daycare, and left her at her grandparents. This was the first time someone other than a dad “took my child to an event.” (and I did fret about Daddy N taking her to visit his mom’s church). One of the first things I said to Auntie after the apologies and explanations were over was, “Next time, we will both double-check your phone and make a very specific check-in time.”  ’cause yes, there will be a next time.  Yes I overreacted.  My child was with someone trustworthy and safe, and she was sleeping for goodness sake. Geez – mommy brain! (rolls eyes)

Then again, I suspect my reaction was also appropriate.  As a loving mom, I’m supposed to freak out when I can’t find my child. It shows my brain is programmed right. (Think Rose is Rose as Momma Bear.)

So anyway – I saw Wall-E this weekend with both dads while my child was, ahem, sleeping, ahem, with Auntie.  (Oh yeah, that’s right – the guilt of going off to have a good time while someone STOLE my child also managed to cram itself in during the freaking out.)  Pretty good movie.  I cried.  (Watch out for SUBTLE underlying messages ‘tho.)

Things to do today: Kiss your child(ren) and give them a hug – despite their protests.  Thank them for not being lost.