I’m MUCH squishier now

Assuming squishier is a word….

I like the 1st two paragraphs of this post from Her Bad Mother, especially this excerpt:

I carry my heart around outside my body now […] and because of that I am vulnerable in ways that I never thought possible.”

There are now television shows I can’t watch, magazine ads that make me cry, and simply ideas that make my stomach clench.  I have always been something of a softy – crying at ‘chick flicks’ and Christmas Coke ads, but man – now I’m crying at Law and Order SVU – assuming it’s an episode I can watch at ALL.

I used to work for child protective services, and I would marvel at the things mothers would allow or overlook when others mistreated their child (not to mention my mind boggling at what they themselves would DO or NOT DO).  I’m afraid this lack of understanding has not improved with being a mother.  Abusive clients used to ask me all the time, “Do you have a child?” and when I said no – then they would say, “Then you can’t understand.”
OK, I have a child now.  And I still don’t understand how you could allow others, even your beloved spouse, to sexually abuse your child, or beat your child until bruises show.  Nope.  Still don’t get it.
Like Rose, I am a mamma bear.  If you threaten my child, I am all about being protective. Even the thought of losing WCB makes me cry. 

Conversely, I have found myself the LEAST protective of the three parents regarding life’s little accidents.  I’m the one who allows her to learn that trying to get off the big bed is a bigger fall than the little bed in her room.  I’m the one who let’s her fall when stepping off the last step and then picks her up for a cuddle.  And I’m not doing this deliberately – it seems to be an innate feeling that she has to live through these small catastophes in order to learn a sense of self-preservation.

Ooooooo but ask me how I felt when I over-heated her food and burned her tongue because I forgot to test it.  Baaaaaad mommy, hang your head in shame.  I note, however, that both she and I now test that first spoonful before eating – every time.

So squishy with hard bits – not unlike an Almond Joy.  mmmmmmm.




One Response to “I’m MUCH squishier now”

  1. jerusha kilgore Says:

    nods. Ain’t it the truth!

    Did you get the CDs?

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