Random Important Tips for Expectant or New Mothers

Ok, random list of stuff that has turned out to be REALLY important/or valuable info. This is not all of them – just the ones in my head today:

1) When diapering a baby, run your finger around the leg holes to make sure all the little flappy bits are outside.  A friend told me this at my baby shower – I thought, “right – ok, thanks – whatever.”  My child had loose, breast-fed poop for most of a year. When I did not do this, we had nasty major GROSS leakages. When I did do this we had FAR fewer.  Also less irritation on her bottom.

2) Buy at least a dozen (I got 2 dozen) PLAIN, basic, thin, white cloth diapers – like you grandmother used to use (Gerber sells them, I found them at Target). Not for use as diapers, but for messes and spills of al lother kinds. They are soft and absorbant and can have the daylights bleached out of them. They have proven invaluable for spit ups and car throw ups, chocolate issues, protective padding, emergency nose wipes, etc. I can’t remember who recommended this – but I knew it before I got pregnant and it was on my shower wish list.

3) Seriously, get it done (whatever it is) before the baby is born. 

• Major remodeling/decoration of the house – I remodeled her room for the 5 months before she was born. I did not feel done at the time she was born. I kept trying to finish it when I should have been resting, relaxing, or sleeping.
• Sewing - Thank goodness for my mom.  I had all these plans to sew – and they simply did not happen.  She sews for me…do not buy lots of fabric planning cute clothes unless you are a seriously professional seamstress who can whip stuff out in an hour or less.  BTW – if you can’t whip it out in an hour or less, it is not worth it, she’ll grow out of it in 3-6 months.
• Housecleaning - I cleaned the entire house, vaccuming, dusting and polishing things that had been unvacuumed/polished/dusted in over a year.  My thought was, “I have no idea when this will get done next.”  And the answer was, “In over a year or at random points or when someone outside the family does it.”

4) Go to the bathroom first.  Seriously.  When relieved of child, for any reason, go to the bathroom – even if you went only an hour ago.  Keep your bladder as empty as possible at all times.  Do not ever put it off. Because you never know when you will be trapped by a sleeping baby/toddler – that you DO NOT want to wake up –  for the next hour, or two, or four. And your husband (or other support person) cannot do it FOR you (as he has so often pointed out).  Corollary – after the bathroom, prioritize what you do next based on what someone else cannot easily do for you.  Like change your underwear, or take a shower, or eat.  Sorting laundry, reading mail, tidying a room, writing thank you notes… all can be done by someone else. Don’t get distracted by lesser stuff.  Change your underwear because it is danged awkward for someone else to do it for you.

5) Bite the bullet – spend the dough – give in to the need for convenience.  The two best things I did for my sanity, family and work were to buy a 3rd car and pay for monthly parking right next to my building at work.  [Your specific examples may differ.] Prior to my pregnancy, I proudly carpooled as much as absolutely possible – 3 adults drove to work in 2 cars and only one paid for convenient parking.  Before she was born, I admitted that I was not going to be able to continue that with daycare drop off and pick up involved, and keep my (or my husbands) sanity as well.  So I spend the money and dropped out of the “green” commuter program. Trust me.  I am MUCH saner. I still recycle ‘tho, and use green cleaning products….so I’m not like totally a bad person, right?

More like this when it comes up – but these have been banging around in my head for a while..thought I should get them ‘on paper.’

Parents are stupid – #45 in an infinite series…

Please help me to understand why it took me 43 years, as well as a two-year old pointing it out, for me to realize that the “ABC” song is sung to the tune of  Twinkle Twinkle Little Star.

GAH – not ONLY do I feel old (birthday just passed), but also monumentally stupid as well.

WCT dispenses with mommy

I’ve read it.  I’ve seen it. I’ve heard it. Over and over. I’ve rolled my eyes about it and nodded in patient sympathy.

But today, it happened to me – so you-all get to hear it. Feel free to eye roll and nod.

Today my “big girl” (not yet 23 months old) officially started in the “2-yr old” room at daycare.  She visited all during August, she knows the teachers, we’ve talked about it at home regularly, and chatted with her all weekend about “going to the big girl room” today. We were prepared – or so I thought.

So today, she held my hand as we walked in, bypassed her old room without even a wave, and at the doorway to her new room let go of my hand.  She simply walked in and up to her teacher, and then sat down as directed to start in on a pasting activity.

No “bye mommy.”  No tears.  No hesitation.

Wahhhh. Big girl already. Doesn’t need mommy.
(And I realize that this is only going to get worse!)

Thank you for your patience (and eye rolls).

[Note to self: Try REALLY hard to remember this feeling at 3am tonight when she calls out for mommy and needs me to put her back to sleep YET AGAIN.]

One year update on MOM

A friend suggested I post a one-year refelctive piece on being a mom.  here, in no particular order, are my thoughts:

My NUMBER ONE observation: At any and every point in the day that you no longer have a child attached to you – take the opportunity to go to the bathroom.  You never know how long it will be until the next opportunity – so take this one NOW – even if you don’t think you need it. Really.  It is MORE important that sleep or food.  Others can feed you, and you can sleep, while you hold the child.  No one can pee for you, and holding a child while on the toilet is… possible, but NOT my first, or second, or third choice.

Do NOT feel guilty for sitting around doing nothing.  I’ll bet the amount of time that I “do nothing” (watch mindless TV, read a book, stare at my navel) is about 10% of what it used to be.  I strongly feel that “doing nothing” is critical to a human being’s sanity.  Stay Sane.  Take “do nothing” breaks. (See my note on health below.)

Take time to cuddle the OTHER loved ones in your life.  I admit to doing poorly at this - I REALLY need to take more personal one-on-one time for my husbands.  I *know* I’m getting some of my needs met by cuddling WCB.  This should NOT be costing my husbands cuddle time as well.  Now the fact that none of us have as much free time – well we’re just going to have to cope with that..

Extra work: WCB hasn’t really had a significant effect on the laundry, in my opinion. But BOY has she increased the dishes!  Bother DaddyN and I prefer to wash her bottles by hand – having suspicions of the residue left by our washing machine. But as she is branching out into baby food and solid food, spoons and bowls and covered plates (for daycare) are starting to really fill up the dishwasher. Plus, in an effort to save $ and make sure mom eats, we are creating and eating a lot of leftovers – increasing the storage containers in the dishwasher. Compartatively, WCB has added one extra washload a week, plus a couple of things added to all other loads. oh, and she has JUST started to make real messes on the floor under her high chair.

What new moms/families need is TIME.  What I am using extra cash for now is buying TIME – babysitting.  I need the new doors painted, the lawn mowed, my kitchen cleaned, my paperwork sorted and filed, my cabinets child-proofed, my cupboards re-arranged…etc. And it costs LESS to pay a babysitter than it does to pay someone to do the other work for me (if they can). I kid you not – I can get baby sitting done for $8-10/hour, and mow my own lawn in 4 hours – $40.  Getting someone else to mow my lawn?  over $100.  Oh sure – one of us can watch her while the other mows the lawn – but that means LESS house/lawn work gets done. A babysitter means ALL of us can get stuff done *at the same time.*  We don’t pay someone so we can go to the movies together- we can get Grandma to watch her for that long – we pay for someone to watch WCB while we CLEAN HOUSE for 5 hours.

Your health is critical.  Do EVERYTHING you can to stay healthy and in one piece.  When Daddy-O hurt his foot, and was told “keep it elevated when possible, keep off it for 6 weeks,” we found that he was almost useless as a caretaker for WCB.  he could not be left alone with her because he couldn’t catch her without the high probability of re-injuring his foot. When Daddy N and I both had awful crippling food poisoning for 3 days, and I was breastfeeding, my biggest fear was that I couldn’t take care of WCB (we did have breastfeeding issues – nothing in there!). I tripped over an ottoman yesterday and Uncle Lamont said, “YOU have a one year old child – don’t you DARE break your leg.” Just becasue I’m not pregnant and have stopped breastfeeding doesn’t mean I can stop doing all those important healthy things.

If you have nothing pressing, enjoy your child (and you really don’t have anything very pressing).  We were unloading out of the car the other day and WCB stopped to investigate the pea gravel in the drive.  I tried to get ther to go into the house - I was eager to start on  our after school (daycare) routine: go in, climb stairs, greet dad, mom changes clothes, WCB removes shoes, play/relax and eventually eat dinner – but she resisted going in.  I tugged again, she sat down on the gravel.  Arms full of stuff to go in the house, I stopped and thought a moment.  In truth, despite my anxiety to move on to the next thing on our list, I had nothing pressing. If WCB wanted to learn about rocks – we could learn about rocks. Down the stuff went, and mom too sat on the gravel. WCB learned that you could dump gravel out of your hands, pile it on your feet, throw it at mom (NO), eat it (NO), squash it with bigger rocks, that it had different shapes and colors, and that it was called “rock” (“rock, rock, yes that’s a rock, thank you for the rock, may I have a rock?, NO, don’t throw rocks…”) My job is to “bring up” a child.  That can happen anywhere, anytime, anyhow.  Every moment is a teachable moment – enjoy them as much as you can.

She is, regularly, a total wonder.  The concept that I created this very independant, intelligent, magical being is just fantastical.  She is so much her own person, at just one year of age, it seems unimaginable that we “created” her.  I feel more that we invited her – that she used to be somewhere else, and now she is here.  Our joy, our responsibility, our stress, our love.  Whew. My mind just reels.

All in all, I think I’m doing OK as a mom.  She is healthy, she’s growning, she’s learning, and she laughs a lot.   Others describe her as a cheery child. Despite our continuing sleep sagas,  eating traumas, and reluctance to wean from the bottle to cup, we’re doing pretty OK.  I’ve bought some new clothes, I’ve dyed my hair, I’ve taken some time for myself  – I’m doing OK.

Check with me in another year – at 2 I might have different news. 

I’m MUCH squishier now

Assuming squishier is a word….

I like the 1^st two paragraphs of this post from Her Bad Mother, especially this excerpt:

“I carry my heart around outside my body now […] and because of that I am vulnerable in ways that I never thought possible.”

There are now television shows I can’t watch, magazine ads that make me cry, and simply ideas that make my stomach clench.  I have always been something of a softy – crying at ‘chick flicks’ and Christmas Coke ads, but man – now I’m crying at Law and Order SVU - assuming it’s an episode I can watch at ALL.

I used to work for child protective services, and I would marvel at the things mothers would allow or overlook when others mistreated their child (not to mention my mind boggling at what they themselves would DO or NOT DO).  I’m afraid this lack of understanding has not improved with being a mother.  Abusive clients used to ask me all the time, “Do you have a child?” and when I said no – then they would say, “Then you can’t understand.”

OK, I have a child now.  And I still don’t understand how you could allow others, even your beloved spouse, to sexually abuse your child, or beat your child until bruises show.  Nope.  Still don’t get it.

Like Rose, I am a mamma bear.  If you threaten my child, I am all about being protective. Even the thought of losing WCB makes me cry. 

Conversely, I have found myself the LEAST protective of the three parents regarding life’s little accidents.  I’m the one who allows her to learn that trying to get off the big bed is a bigger fall than the little bed in her room.  I’m the one who let’s her fall when stepping off the last step and then picks her up for a cuddle.  And I’m not doing this deliberately – it seems to be an innate feeling that she has to live through these small catastophes in order to learn a sense of self-preservation.

Ooooooo but ask me how I felt when I over-heated her food and burned her tongue because I forgot to test it.  Baaaaaad mommy, hang your head in shame.  I note, however, that both she and I now test that first spoonful before eating - every time.

So squishy with hard bits – not unlike an Almond Joy.  mmmmmmm.

 

 

Cure for Insomnia

So, I’ve generally not had trouble getting to sleep in my life, but when I do, I have stuff I think about that helps me relax and go to sleep. [OK the 3 months after WCB was born don't count - hormones were involved.]

When I was a kid, I used to think about each of the bedrooms in the house, and if I was sleeping in that bed, where would the door be? and what would be on the left? and what would be behind me? etc.  If I ran out of bedrooms in our house, I’d do my grandmother’s house, where at Thanksgiving we’d sleep folks in almost every room… I don’t think I ever stayed awake for all of her house. Something about the methodical-ness and the complexity of the thoughts seems to help me drift off.

When I was a teenager I used to think about…well, that was the hormonal period.  ‘Nuf said.

As an adult, one of my most common was “When I have a child, I will…” and the senarios I’d dream up would help me drop off.  Funny – this one doesn’t work any more.  It leads to fret and worry – NOT conducive to sleep. At least the hormonal anxiety is finally gone. Ick – I don’t like being ruled by my chemicals.

Recently I realized I have a new method for falling asleep.  I write blog posts in my head.  And fall asleep usually around the 2nd or third composition.  Somehow “writing” in my head about all the things that have happened to me and WCB (et al) relaxes me and sends me off (methodical and complex again!).  Funny how a lot of these late night posts never seem to make it to the blog…of course the 20 lb, zillion-mile-an-hour-whirlwind in the house might have something to do with sucking up all my time.

Blogging as a cure for insomnia…I’m sure it has been done before.

Quote for the day – Kleenex

 

WCB: “Achoo, cough cough cough…snooork”

Oneluckymommy: “That’s ok, dear, mommy is just one big Kleenex anyway.”

[Said to WCB as she wiggles and crawls face down all over mommy while making horrible sinus sounds.]

WCB can go from freshly scrubbed to “Dirty-faced kid” in a 10 minute car ride.  And of course – she just LOVES having her face washed.  You’d think we were using a cheese grater from the howls we get.

How *does* a toddler get snot in her eyebrows, on the back of her elbow, and behind her ears anyway?  Oh, and did you know that it dries mostly clear when NOT gathered in clumps beneath the nose?  So it is like “stealth snot” encountered only, of course, when you take her out of the car seat at whatever destination you just cleaned her up for.

Important mom tip: It is impossible to measure your self-worth as a mom by the cleanliness of your child’s face.

Watch what you say around little ears

Learned a new word a while back from “My Level of Awareness” – lagniappe. I’d seen it before in writing, and had loosely translated it (using context clues) correctly as meaning – “a little something extra.”  But I’d never sent the pronunciation before.  I had it all wrong – I had it as lang-YAP, when it is actually LAN-yop.

 

Similarly, I heard ouvre pronounced for the first time on NPR. My pronunciation – ooo-vruh.  Theirs – well – MUCH more French – like “uhoov” with some gargling at the end.

 

This has happened to me many times throughout my life (don’t ask me about omnipotent).  I am an avid and speedy reader – as in I still managed to read at least a novel a week in the first month after pregnancy, and am back up to a novel every 1-2 days now that WCB is more self-entertaining.  I encounter words in my reading on a regular basis that I have never heard – some of these so often that they have entered my spoken vocabulary – with whatever pronunciation I had worked out at first hurried glance.  You can imagine the hilarity and embarrassment when someone who KNOWS the word hears me say it, well, all wrong.

 

I know I have a rich vocabulary.  WCB’s dads do too.  They also have had this pronunciation issue – Daddy N especially since he likes to read books with lots of foreign words.  We already use our advanced vocabulary around WCB – all the time.  It probably behooves us to take a moment and check our pronunciation of difficult, strange or suspect words.  As good parents, we don’t want to perpetuate this issue with WCB, now do we?

 

So – I vow to make a note and look up the pronunciation of at least one suspect word a week.

 

In my spare time.

 

Really. I mean it.

 

(WCB – you are doomed to repeat the vocabulary mistakes of your parents…sigh.)

Life Lessons from Toddlers – #24

A co-worker and I were chatting about how evidently some of our customers and collegues have not yet learned  (or generalized) the issue WCB is currently learning:

Toddler Life Lesson #24: Sometimes the physical world simply does not work the way you want it too.

• You cannot pull your fist with a toy in it through the chair back slots.
• You cannot stand up under your 18′ high activity center
• You cannot fit your round little self through the slot between the bookcase and the ottoman (and thus escape to the rest of the house).
• Going head first off the couch means your head hits the floor first – with emphasis. Gravity works.

And thus applied to the modern workplace: You cannot have high resolution, large sized video on the web with a fast download time.  Sorry – one or the other, but not both.

Interestingly – both WCB and the adults protest in the same way.  They keep trying to make it work their way while whining and protesting a lot.  Also interestingly, I react in the same way: annoyance, amusement, and a certain lack of concern.  Eventually, everyone has to learn that physics is a bitch. (WCB seems to be picking it up pretty quickly – wonder how I get through to the collegues?)

Mommy’s brain goes “wonk”

Mommy brains totally work different.  They add 2+200 and get, “212 degrees - omigod that’s boiling, she burnt, call 911, ahhhhhhh!” (no, that’s not supposed to make sense…)

I lost my child this weekend.   My 9 month old, wonderfully precious child, was not anywhere I could find her for about 15 minutes.  Someone had ‘borrowed her’ for the afternoon and did not return at the appointed time.  And couldn’t be reached by cell phone. Or texting.  And wasn’t at the place they said they would be (I drove there and checked).

My brain, usually so reliable in a crisis, decided freaking out was worth about 25% of its time.  (The other 75% was doing the deal-with-crisis thing pretty well - given the assumption that there actually was a crisis at all). This bizzarre new mommy brain remembered every single child abduction story I had ever heard or read and seriously considered that Auntie (yes, the lady who held my hand during my cesarean) had totally flipped her lid and absconded off to somewhere raise my child as her own. As I was driving to check for them at the park, I was actually spending some portion of my brain time trying to determine how one started an Amber alert – just in case.

Interestingly, I never considered the fact that she/they might be injured – at the hospital, lying by the side of the road, etc.  Nope – brain went straight to “she’s been stolen” – at least the freaking out mommy brain part. The sane, calm, functional, human part of my brain assumed that there was a reasonable explanation, and WCB was just fine, having a good time with Auntie somewhere…and when I found them I was going to give Auntie WHAT-FOR!

WCB was fine. Is fine.  She had gotten fussy at the picnic and Auntie had taken her to her nearby home (as someplace quiet) in order to nap and have a bottle. She had put her cell phone on vibrate during a movie the evening before and forgot.  Then she had passed out with WCB on the couch and so missed the “Oh, bring her back about 3:30-4ish,” check-in/return time.  I didn’t even think of checking at Auntie’s home. Evidently I needed the other 25% of my brain to think of looking for her at her own house. (Why no – why would I check at her home? She’s off to the wilds of Mexico somewhere with my baby – ahhhhhHHHHhhhhh!)

Auntie called me as soon as she woke up.  She heartily apologized.  I cried while driving to her house ( I had very carefully stayed calm until that point) and had mostly pulled myself together by the time I knocked on her door.    When I got there and saw WCB  – she looked at me like I was mommy.  Just ordinary everyday mommy, as in: “No big deal – just napping, mom – what?” Auntie took one look at my tear-streaked face and apologized some more. 

MAN, will this stick in my memory.   Previously, I’ve nervously, but successfully left her at home with babysitters, left her at daycare, and left her at her grandparents. This was the first time someone other than a dad “took my child to an event.” (and I did fret about Daddy N taking her to visit his mom’s church). One of the first things I said to Auntie after the apologies and explanations were over was, “Next time, we will both double-check your phone and make a very specific check-in time.”  ’cause yes, there will be a next time.  Yes I overreacted.  My child was with someone trustworthy and safe, and she was sleeping for goodness sake. Geez – mommy brain! (rolls eyes)

Then again, I suspect my reaction was also appropriate.  As a loving mom, I’m supposed to freak out when I can’t find my child. It shows my brain is programmed right. (Think Rose is Rose as Momma Bear.)

So anyway - I saw Wall-E this weekend with both dads while my child was, ahem, sleeping, ahem, with Auntie.  (Oh yeah, that’s right – the guilt of going off to have a good time while someone STOLE my child also managed to cram itself in during the freaking out.)  Pretty good movie.  I cried.  (Watch out for SUBTLE underlying messages ‘tho.)

Things to do today: Kiss your child(ren) and give them a hug – despite their protests.  Thank them for not being lost.